Say You Miss Me

God Hates America

1800+ American dead in Iraq.

Gas prices averaging $2.60 a gallon.

Our president cuts his vacation 2 days short for Hurricane Katrina.  He would have come sooner, but he was working on an Elmore Leonard novel and it takes so long to have it read to him, so...

Dubya stated early on in his campaign that he felt he was appointed by God to be president.  You know, I can believe it now.  I can see God in the Firmament, at his office desk...  "Jesus!"

"Yes?"

"Not you.  I was just swearing.  Anyway, this damn country down there... they got some nerve. 'God Bless America?' How come I never hear 'God Bless Tanzania,', or 'God Bless Vietnam'?  You know why?  Because they don't ask for my favor all the time!  They've learned to do it their own damn selves!  Every day someone in America asks me to bless it.  What, did they all sneeze at once?  I've had it with these people.  They say they believe in Me, and yet they act the exact opposite.  Well, I'm gonna give them what they deserve.  I'm going to give them a president that's so damn stupid he doesn't know how to eat a pretzel without choking on it.  Who invents words like 'subliminable' and mangles the word 'nuclear' like he's Homer Simpson.  Who reads children's books... not because he has kids, but because well, dammit, he's got to see how it ends!  I'm going to give the American people the president they want.  And he'll believe in Me... oh, he's gonna be so faithful.  He'll be praising my name as he passes the ammo to kill brown people overseas.  He'll be saying Hallelujah as the cash keeps flowing in off the backs of people who can't afford to own what they're making.  You know anyone like that, son?"

"I got just the guy..."

Yep.  God hates America.

Random Thoughts

Watched Oldboy again... that movie's a certified goddamn masterpiece.  Not for the squeamish, but well worth the journey.  I think the cinematography is some of the best I've ever seen.  Makes Fincher look like he dabbles in fingerpainting.

My latest CD obsession: Illinois, by Sufjan Stevens.  Imagine Jon Brion on a more epic scale.  It's got some beautiful songs there, and now I'm going to have to pick up Seven Swans for sure.  Also I went back in the catalog a bit and am listening to Buffalo Tom's Big Red Letter Day.  Great CD.

Book: Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell.  It's a Dickens novel with wizards.  Fantastic writing.  Highly recommend.

The wife is still looking for work, but she had a job interview on Monday so hope springs eternal.  This last weekend we spent at the in-laws swimming and watching Cartoon Network.  My niece Megan got a Darth Tater for her 3rd birthday, and she knew exactly who it was.  My geek heart glowed.

What's happening in New Orleans is frankly stunning.  I remember going to the French Quarter a couple of times and it's now all underwater.  I hope the city will recover but some of those historic buildings are never going to be the same.  I saw a man on TV this morning crying that he lost his wife.  Some people don't understand just how devastating hurricanes are.  Having been through Alicia in 1983, I can tell you they aren't to be messed around.

Will post more later.

It's been a crappy week

I was sick on Monday and Tuesday, so I basically stayed in bed and watched UNDECLARED and OLDBOY.  Wednesday I went in to work, but Tami sadly got fired Tuesday evening, so our new house is likely off.  Plus my glasses broke last night and without them I'm practically blind.  Fortunately Tami fixed them for me.

Other than that, it's been great!

THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN

You know... I'm sitting here trying to think of a wordy review of this movie, but chances are you've either already seen it or want to see it and want to avoid spoilers, so...

Best film so far this year.  Steve Carell's performance is Oscar-worthy.  (Yeah, I said it.)  Catherine Keener's work here is Oscar-worthy.  It's hilarious, and better still, it's GROWN-UP.  A raucous sex comedy that's also a mature work?  You bet.  I haven't been as satisfied coming out of a movie in a long time, and certainly not this year.

Go see it.  "KELLY CLARKSON!"

Bumpers

Yesterday reality hit the Cerny family a little harder than we liked, so we decided to get out of the house for a little while.  We decided to gnaw on dead animal flesh at Saltgrass and go bowling.  After a few wrong turns we wound up at the lanes by our house.  We rented the shoes, grabbed our balls, and headed towards lane 40, the last lane in the house.  It was almost as if they figured out that our bowling technique should be far away from the rest of the Friday night lot so as not to infect the others.  I tried out some LEBOWSKI jokes on the wife and kid, but they didn't get them.

Anyway, Taylor had a hard time rolling the ball, and she kept wanting to quit.  "I can't do it, daddy."  Now, I hate that, honestly.  I don't think anyone should quit something because it's too difficult.  Eventually, after a few unsuccessful tosses down the lane, our drinks and popcorn arrived and she went in the back to sit down.

A family next to us arrived, hauling a few young kids in tow.  By young I mean 3 or 4 years old.  The bowling attendant asked them if they wanted to set up bumpers on the lane.  The bumpers prevent the ball from going in the gutter.  Now, it might have been just me, but the idea of bumpers in bowling goes against the entire aesthetic.  Sometimes your ball goes in the gutter, and sometimes you find that sweet spot just to the right of that front pin and they all fall down.  That's just life.  Bumpers seem to go against the whole idea.  But their kids were having a grand time of it, and knocked many a pin down.  Meanwhile, Taylor was in the back, upset.

Well, after a while, the family left, but they still had a game or two left on their lane, and they asked us if we wanted to finish their games off, with the bumpers.  Taylor got up, threw the ball the best she could, and knocked some pins down.  She did it again.  And again.  She was having a lot of fun, and learning something, even if it was just a little thing.  I felt pretty lousy about being angry at her.

I wouldn't be much of a daddy if I let real life spoil things.  Not everything needs to be a challenge.  Sometimes we just need the satisfaction of watching those pins fall without worrying about the gutter.  Sure, it's a little victory, but it's a victory.  Eventually Taylor will learn to handle the gutters, and that's part of life.  Until then, she's just going to have fun, and that's what being a child's all about.  Sometimes we need bumpers.

(I also figured out how to throw with more accuracy and I got my highest score ever last night, but this story's not about me.  Mom, you'd be proud of me, though.  I kicked ass.)

Thanks To The Muppets And Paul Williams

I now have my epitaph!

Life's like a movie, write your own ending
Keep believing, keep pretending
I've done just what I set out to do
Thanks to the lovers, the dreamers and you!

Sorry for the lack of updates

Work has been overwhelming and the homefront hasn't been a lot easier.  I'm moving in September and I feel like we haven't made any headway at all towards that event.  I'll try to have something to say pretty soon - whether it's about the lady camping out in Crawford, or the goddamn outrageous gasoline prices, or how THE MUPPET SHOW DVD kicks ass.

WARNING: Adult Language

I'm pissed off.

Okay... a couple of the Jackson jurors now regret their acquittal.

Of course, they have pending book deals.

These people are cocksucking slime.

I don't care if he did it or not.  You don't bow to jury pressure if you think your juror decision is right.  That's bullshit.

They shame the judiciary and make a mockery of the whole criminal system.  If you believe he didn't do it, fine, I support your decision to acquit - but don't decide on the whim of the crowd.  That's fucking bullshit and I hope their books flop and they end up serving me fries someday.

In a preview shown Monday on NBC's Today, Rita Cosby asked juror Eleanor Cook if the other jurors will be angry with her. "They can be as angry as they want to. They ought to be ashamed. They're the ones that let a pedophile go," responded Cook, 79.

SO DID YOU, YOU FUCKING WHORE-BITCH.

If Michael Jackson really is a pedophile, I am comforted by the fact that these two jurors will burn in hell.

You say it's your birthday... it's my birthday too, yeah!

So I'm sitting at home, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers - FREAKY STYLEY, to be precise - and debating what to do with myself.  I didn't work today, because I deserve my birthday off, dammit!  I went to Warehouse Music and pre-ordered THE MUPPET SHOW Season 1 and picked up a used copy of YEAR OF THE DRAGON, grabbed a couple of books from Bookstop (EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED and RUNNING WITH SCISSORS), and settled in for a long summer's day.  Still, I'm bored.

I'm 36 today and I don't feel like it.  The older you get the more your birthday becomes that day you take stock in everything that's come before, and I don't want it to be like that.  Actually, I want to have some fun today but lack of funds and the fact that everything I want to do is on the other side of town precludes that.  So I think I'll ponder.  Yeah. 

Later on I'll recreate that scene in IKIRU on the swing, minus snow, hum "This Goddamn Lonely Love" and finish feeling completely sorry for myself.

Funny?

"I met your mama when I was 19

You couldn't been any more than 3,

She caught me stealing yall's color TV

She called the cops and they arrested me."

It's a Saturday morning, and as usual I'm listening to Drive-By Truckers and bullshitting online with friends in the AICN chatroom.  I was chatting with Abstruse earlier and came up with an idea about a hitman for the dead.   Later the chatroom was talking about Korean film and this hilarious site regarding Episode III mistranslations.  I'm reading Joe's blog and quietly seething that this guy's a far better writer than I am.  And he doesn't even like to write!  I'm struggling to come up with something funny and interesting to write about.

The act of creating is a lot more difficult than most people realize.  It's not just about finding the words, but finding the subtext behind them.  It's about making sense, and sharing perspective without having people freak out about how weird you are.  It's hard being funny, because you're blindly hoping that people will relate.  The act of laughing is first an act of recognition.  We laugh because we "get it."  And laughter in it's way is a defiant act.  When other people laugh, it feels like belonging.  Shared laughter is a great sound.

Anyway, this well's running dry pretty quickly.  I've got to think of something to write about or this blog is useless.  And I don't want to rant, that's too easy.  Dammit... I just want to be funny.